The Best Revenge is a Happy Song
by fanofdenial
Summary: Flitwick and the toad choir decided to get even with Umbridge, the biggest, nastiest toad of all. Written for Hogwarts House Challenges Camp Hogwarts competition.


Words: 1277

"Now now, why all the long faces?" Little Professor Flitwick squeaked from his make-shift book perch where he stood examining the morose faces of his choir.

"Umbridge," Ernie Macmillan called out glumly.

"Ah..." Flitwick said, needing no further explanation. "Now children, you know that as a staff member I am unable to comment on my colleagues, but—"

"But she's horrid!" Colin Creevey suddenly burst out. He looked horrified at himself, and flinched as though waiting for retribution that fortunately did not come. His fellow choir members simply nodded in approval, though they looked slightly bemused at the sunny boy's uncharacteristically angry outbreak. One by one, the bemusement left their faces however, as it dawned on them that Umbridge was probably bad enough to turn even a unicorn sour.

Even Professor Flitwick did not chide the boy for his words. While he was one to follow the rules, he was fair, and he certainly wasn't going to rebuke a student for speaking the truth. In fact, he decided to add his two cents worth.

"You know," he began in a conspiratoral tone. "The reason I brought the toads back this year is that they give me a private chuckle. Every time I look at them, I'm reminded of her, so it seems fitting that we use them as props during a song about witches."

The students burst into raucous laughter. Not only were his words funny, but they sounded twice as funny coming from kind Professor Flitwick. Yep, there was no doubt about it—it had to be true about the unicorn as well.

"There's got to be some way to use that to get even!" Dean Thomas called out. He had joined the choir this year out of sheer boredom, since Umbridge had shut down half the clubs in the school. He was always looking for some way to make the choir more exciting, so he seized the opportunity here.

"Now Dean, you know we can't do such a thing!" Flitwick rebuked gently.

"Professor, I know that you're usually a very gentle, kind-hearted person," Dean began, really laying on the flattery. "But the old toad desperately needs to be put in her place!"

"You know what they say, a toad for a toad only makes the flies breed!" Flitwick responded, sounding decidedly preachy.

Half the students laughed, the other half looked at him as though he were crazy, causing him to shuffle his feet as his little ears turned pink.

"You read Ghandi?" Hermione Granger asked him over the din from the first row where she sat, ever the keener.

"Is that a nature series?" Flitwick asked.

"Professor, you know that this performance will likely be our last, given the way that she's banning all clubs. If we're going to go down as you say, can't we at least take her with us?" Dean begged, giving it one last shot.

Before Flitwick could once again say no, one of the toads gave a tremendous croak, which drew his eye. Seeing the toad made him picture the awful witch, and as he did, anger burned in the pit of his stomach as he thought about how she had sucked the life out of the castle that he loved so dearly. Before he could help himself, he had replied,

"Well, I suppose there's no harm in at least listening to your plan Thomas."

All of the students cheered until Dean shushed them impatiently, eager to reveal his plan.

xxxxx

Their performance began like any other, in the Great Hall, after all the food had magically been cleared away. The students filed onto the raised platform where the staff table stood in groups of four from shortest to tallest. When they reached the end of the line, they would turn with great precision, forming a segment of the four rows that gradually grew longer as more and more of the choir took their place. When they had finished, Flitwick walked on to polite applause. He felt incredibly nervous about what they were about to do, knowing that there was sure to be strong and swift punishment. Yet a small part of him was eager, and told the more responsible side of him that anything that got even with Umbridge had to be a good idea and was certainly justified. Making eye contact with Dean and giving him a subtle nod, Flitwick raised his baton and the concert began.

The first songs came and went with nothing to comment on. Flitwick had pointed out that since this was now sure to be their last performance, he wanted to at least perform all of the music they had been working so diligently on. It soon came time for their last song however. Turning to the audience, Flitwick announced in his high voice,

"Now we will perform one of our classics, and certainly one of our favourites. However, the students felt that it would be...appropriate..to shake things up a bit, so that we will!"

At his words, Umbridge narrowed her buggy eyes from where she sat in the headmaster's rightful chair. She didn't like when things got shaken up.

Flitwick waved his wand in an intricate pattern, and a toad appeared in each of the choir members' outstretched hands. The students went crazy both at the trick and at the realisation of what song the group was about to perform.

 _Double, double, toil and trouble;_

 _Fire burn and cauldron bubble._

 _Double, double, toil and trouble;_

 _Something wicked this way comes!_

 _Eye of newt and toe of frog,_

 _Wool of bat and tongue of dog,_

 _Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,_

 _Lizard's leg and howlet's wing._

 _Double, double, toil and trouble;_

 _Fire burn and cauldron bubble._

 _Double, double, toil and trouble;_

 _Something wicked this way comes!_

 _In the cauldron boil and bake,_

 _Fillet of a fenny snake,_

 _Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,_

 _Witches' mummy, maw and gulf._

 _Double, double, toil and trouble;_

 _Fire burn and cauldron bubble._

 _Double, double, toil and trouble;_

 _Fire burn and cauldron bubble._

 _Double, double, toil and trouble;_

 _Fire burn and cauldron bubble._

 _Something wicked this way comes_!

At the last sentence of the song, they all turned to face Umbridge and dropped their toads, which all hopped over to form a circle around her. Once they had taken their places, they opened their mouths and began to croak a song, which, while to the tune of "Double Trouble," clearly had original lyrics written by the choir.

 _I spy a fellow toad_

 _Eyes big as owls_

 _Mouth just as gross_

 _Jarring pink she wears_

 _Frilly bows in her hair_

 _Spreading sorrow everywhere she goes_

 _Yes I spy a fellow toad_

Staff and students alike burst into hysterical laughter. Professor McGonagall made no attempt to stop them, and even Professor Snape seemed to have developed a twitch on the side of his mouth. Umbridge's expression was both grotesque as well as priceless. Eyes bulging beyond belief, mouth a gaping chasm, she stood up in absolute fury and indignation.

"That's enough! I will have order!" she cried, but no one listened. The prank had been an absolute success. The depression that the castle had sunk into since her appointment was broken. Tears streamed down faces as the staff and students clutched the stitches in their sides. It felt so good to laugh again. As Flitwick met Umbridge's furious gaze, he felt not a shred of fear as he normally would have. It had absolutely been worth any consequences that he would soon face. He was abruptly overcome with pride as it dawned on him that the choir had just given their best performance yet.


End file.
